Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
There are words that all love-struck women dread to hear coming from their lust-objects: my girlfriend (or on the same note, my boyfriend). When a love-interest talks about their significant other, and it’s not you, one might expect sleepless nights with a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup and a melancholic French record.
But, the day that the love of my life told me he loved someone else, I was high on self-induced euphoria.
Here, let me rewind my life back several months.
I met Wonder-Boy at a local coffee-house, with my best-friend Azure. When you’re wearing a tartan Catholic Prep uniform, the wool skirt has a way of masking confidence, but Wonder-Boy made us both feel at ease in the trendy café. Needless to say, we fell hard for him, and his unique smile that would have us debating whether or not it was a “smirk” or a “sheepish grin”. Wonder-Boy was charming, Parisian, and sinfully exotic. Did I mention he was a pre-med student in university?
As an aspiring writer, I should know that when life gets too perfect, it’s usually because the plot begins to climax. Sooner than expected, Wonder-Boy and I were inseparable, my friends were lime-green with envy, and my parents got over the shock of my declaration of independence. To my amazement, my nomadic-motorcycle-lovin’ parents were actually giving me more liberty and freedom than ever before! Serendipity, much?
I was the poster girl for the Generation-Y Dream: successful, independent teen with her life planned out by the age of 16. But, the Great Author in the sky wasn’t letting me off that easy. With the finesse of a ball of ribbon, my fairy-tale life started to unravel, and become shaky.
After many hours of “Where do we stand?” conversations, Facebook stalking, and moping, our relationship smashed into a wall. Our regular conversation started innocent, but, right when I was trying to convince him to dress up as Dr. Frank-N-Furter for the Rocky Horror Picture Show, he stopped me.
“But, what if my girlfriend doesn’t want me to go?” he said, quietly.
“Well, I’ll have to have a diplomatic relationship with this girl. If that doesn’t work, then,
I’ll have Azure arm-wrestle with her," I nervously joked with him, and prayed he was
only kidding.
“No. I mean, seriously. What if my girlfriend then doesn’t want me to go?”
Wonder-Boy then proceeded to tell me that he loved me as a best-friend, but he’d like to have a “real” girlfriend. In fact, he was already madly in love with his coworker. His confession stunned me, but what shocked me even more was the happiness I felt after-wards.
It should have made me stumble to my knees, and pull a Paris Hilton worthy break-down, but really, it made me feel stronger, more independent than ever. I didn’t have to worry if Wonder-Boy would approve of my choices, or if his friends would find me “hip” and “mature” enough. Screw them all. Screw him. I was a foxy, sex kitten, and if he didn’t see it, then, we weren’t meant to be. He just wasn’t into me, and I would live on.
I would survive.
Now, looking back, I’m happy that I was naïve, and fell hard for him. I became a Phoenix, and rose from the ashes of the broken-relationship. I had little scars from getting burned, but the experience of first-love and self-discovery was the most important lesson I could have hoped for. Only a few months ago, I was a cold, love-doubter, and practical. Now, I feel whole, and I’ve embraced my entire personality, even my troublesome alter-ego. ;)
So, in my partial rebirth, I baptize myself and the upcoming months of summer-vacation to discovery, growth, and acceptance. I’ll discover and learn new things about myself and the world around me; I’ll grow to be the change I wish to see in the world, and I’ll accept myself and others with all my heart.
This will be the summer of all summers, and I’ll be ready for it with open arms and a cupcake in hand.
♥ Amour,
-Retro.Bunny
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